Monday, May 7, 2012

Didn't See That Coming

The boy and the girl and I had been playing outside for about an hour. That's a big deal for me for several reasons: 1) it's hot and I don't like hot, 2) there are bugs and I don't like bugs, and 3) it smells and it makes me smell, and I don't like to smell. But my kids like to play outside, so I oblige.

I don't even know what prompted me to ask, maybe walking around outside at 11 AM on a Monday with nothing to do lends itself to random thoughts, but I innocently asked,

"Do you like being home with Mommy better or being at school with your friends better?"

DD - "I like being at home with you."

Me - "Really? I thought you were going to say you would rather play at school."

DD - "No, I like being at home because that's where you are."

I never would have predicted that answer. I immediately teared up and thanked her. I'm sure she didn't know why.

A day at home with me doesn't seem all that special. We eat breakfast, then the kids play around while I drink coffee and waste time on the Internet. We might go outside if the weather is nice. We might play downstairs for a while. Run off some energy before lunch. Usually the girl watches some TV while her brother takes his afternoon nap. I internet some more. Brother wakes up from his nap, we play, eat dinner, then start winding down for a bath and bed.

A day with me has its challenges. I lose my temper too much. I am impatient. I yell. More often than not, by 10:00, I am praying for the strength and patience to make it through the day. By the end of the day, I am physically and emotionally spent. I feel guilty by how glad I am when the kids are finally in bed, and I can sink onto the couch and relax.

But somehow, that's not how my daughter sees it. As much as she loves school and playing with her friends, she likes being at home more. As inept as I see myself as a mother, she still would rather be with me. The whole scenario just illustrates how much my confidence as a mother has plummeted lately; that I was sure I already knew the answer to the "innocent" question I posed.

My daughter loves me, and loves being with me. I didn't even know I needed to hear her say it, but I guess I did. How did she know?

- MortarBored Mom

3 comments:

  1. Because no matter how awful we might think the job we are doing actually is......our children think we are wonder woman in sweats and a t-shirt. She didn't know you needed to hear that, she just knows she and brother are your world, no matter how many storms there might be, you are her world too!

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  2. Must have her mom's intuition ;-)

    This even got me slightly (SLIGHTLY) misty. I mean, I didn't tear up... more like my eyes were exceptionally well-hydrated. Healthy. Incredibly healthy. That's it. For sure.

    ♥ ♥ ♥

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  3. Kids say the most surprising things.

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