Wednesday, July 25, 2012

If I Were a Boy

I've been out of work now for nearly two years. It's almost unbelievable. Two.Years. I can hardly get the words out because I never thought this would be. When I quit my job a few months before my son was born, I thought, this is only temporary; I will find another great job, one that pays the bills, in no time. I applied for a job and was interviewed when my son was 6 weeks old. Didn't get it. Sent in a resume for another job, incidentally, the next available job in this area, when my son was around a year old. Never heard back from them. 

A couple of months ago, I applied for a position I was clearly overqualified for, and never heard back. A month ago, I noticed the job was reposted, so I applied again. This time, I got an interview. They were seemingly incredulous that I would even be interested in a one day a week, barely more than minimum wage job. "You do know this is a technician job, right?" "You do have a Ph.D., right?"


Oh, I wanted this job so bad. It was perfect for me. Get me out of the house, doing what I love, albeit being paid barely enough to afford the trip to work, but I would've done it. I suppose its clear at this point that I didn't get the job. A tentative PRN position at the same facility has been presented to me, but daycare and preschool are not PRN, so the odds of that working out are slim to none too.

It's very hard for me to balance my desire to be with my children and my desire to work outside of the home. Why does it feel wrong, as a mother, to want things for yourself? To want time for yourself? It shouldn't. But it does.

And the worst part, after my husband left for work today, my 4 year old daughter asked me, "Did Daddy go to work?" I said, "Yes, remember? He just told you goodbye." She replied, "If you were a boy, you could go to work too."


I spent the next 10 minutes explaining how boys and girls, mommies and daddies go to work. Didn't she remember when Mommy used to go to work and she would go to the babysitters? Guess not.

Literally, I have been thinking about this all day. I don't want her to think that my work is more important than my family, but I also don't want her to think that the reason I stay at home and Daddy goes to work has to do with gender roles. I'm stuck.

Any advice? Please?

*calls up job search engine*

- MortarBoredMom

1 comment:

  1. Wow. Just... Wow.

    The nuances of the job market are, naturally, lost on the Divine Miss M. However, I don't imagine that makes this situation any easier. Like, at all.

    I don't know how you explain something like this to a four year old. Maybe you don't - maybe you start by asking why she thinks that Daddy going to work and you staying with her is because he's a boy and you're a girl? Don't don't know if that would help, necessarily, but I'm super curious as to why her mind went that way.

    And of course, knowing her, she just may have had some sublime and completely unexpected reason for saying that that we wouldn't guess at in a million years that will bring a smile to your face for years to come. That'd be her style ;-)

    Keep the faith, woman - I believe in you! :-)