If I Were a Boy

I've been out of work now for nearly two years. It's almost unbelievable. Two.Years. I can hardly get the words out because I never thought this would be. When I quit my job a few months before my son was born, I thought, this is only temporary; I will find another great job, one that pays the bills, in no time. I applied for a job and was interviewed when my son was 6 weeks old. Didn't get it. Sent in a resume for another job, incidentally, the next available job in this area, when my son was around a year old. Never heard back from them. 

A couple of months ago, I applied for a position I was clearly overqualified for, and never heard back. A month ago, I noticed the job was reposted, so I applied again. This time, I got an interview. They were seemingly incredulous that I would even be interested in a one day a week, barely more than minimum wage job. "You do know this is a technician job, right?" "You do have a Ph.D., right?"

Yes. 
Yes.

Oh, I wanted this job so bad. It was perfect for me. Get me out of the house, doing what I love, albeit being paid barely enough to afford the trip to work, but I would've done it. I suppose its clear at this point that I didn't get the job. A tentative PRN position at the same facility has been presented to me, but daycare and preschool are not PRN, so the odds of that working out are slim to none too.

It's very hard for me to balance my desire to be with my children and my desire to work outside of the home. Why does it feel wrong, as a mother, to want things for yourself? To want time for yourself? It shouldn't. But it does.

And the worst part, after my husband left for work today, my 4 year old daughter asked me, "Did Daddy go to work?" I said, "Yes, remember? He just told you goodbye." She replied, "If you were a boy, you could go to work too."

Silence.

I spent the next 10 minutes explaining how boys and girls, mommies and daddies go to work. Didn't she remember when Mommy used to go to work and she would go to the babysitters? Guess not.

Literally, I have been thinking about this all day. I don't want her to think that my work is more important than my family, but I also don't want her to think that the reason I stay at home and Daddy goes to work has to do with gender roles. I'm stuck.

Any advice? Please?

*calls up job search engine*

- MortarBoredMom

An Itch You Can Scratch.

You may or may not be familiar with my bouts of poison ivy earlier this spring (if you follow me on Twitter, you are probably tired of hearing about it). Anyway, a cortisone shot (which nearly killed me, thank you, Nurse Ratched) and two rounds of prednisone later, it cleared up, only to be replaced by another weird rash on my arms and legs that started mid-May. In the nearly two months I have had this rash, I have tried every prescription (hydrocortisone, topical steroid cream), nonprescription (calamine lotion, Fungicure, IvyDry, moisturizer), and homemade (baking soda paste, oatmeal scrub) remedy to get rid of it to no avail. I finally broke down and made an appointment with a dermatologist. Mainly because I knew if I went back to the family physician, he would just refer me out anyway.

This particular dermatologist is in a different time zone, which makes scheduling a little tricky, but I managed to get in as one of the first appointments of the day. Still had to wait 45 minutes before I was called back, so I'm glad I got in early! I described the problem to the nurses. The doctor came in soon after, took one look at me, and gave me his diagnosis: Nummular Neurodermatitis or Nummular Eczema. I've never heard of it before, but he said I have a classic case. He couldnt pinpoint the cause, but it may have been triggered by my allergic reaction to the poison ivy. Here are three reasons why this condition sucks:

1) There is no cure. It can recur at any time. Forever.
2) Triggers can be stress (um, hello, type A perfectionist with perpetual stress about everything here), hot tubs (damnit!!), hot showers (double damnit!!), or swimming (yeah, ok...live on a lake).
3) It is a rare condition that most often occurs in...wait for it...elderly men.

Yep, that is awesome. I have a chronic skin condition most often found in men over 60. Lucky me. The doctor made sure to stress this point, and about how he wants to do a recheck in two months because I am not in the "typical age range" for this condition. Maybe by then I'll have some age spots he can take a look at too.

(Seriously though, I am relieved to finally know what is going on, and that in the grand scheme of life and skin ailments, it is not serious.)

Then to top off the day, I come home to a vomiting 4 yo. Sooooo, today has been fun. How has yours been?


- MortarBored Mom